it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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