wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
