I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wear drunk well.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
