Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
