She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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