I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
