I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she smelled like a LAN party
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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