great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
