At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We have started to decorate penises.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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