you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
