Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize