Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize