You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
