never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
