i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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