Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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