You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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