WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
