She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
