Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
