she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
