Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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