I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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