i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
