i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
