Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
