At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was like eating out sand paper
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize