my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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