the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Non-Jews are for practice
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
