I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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