This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish you could order shots online.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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