dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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