if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
