well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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