My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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