He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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