YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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