I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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