we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
