Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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