does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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