We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
