is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
