and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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