If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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