I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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