barbara walters just said penis...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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