dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
