Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
