May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
