So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
