Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
im on a boat
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