I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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