I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize