No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
