nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
