i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You took a bar mat shot.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize