I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
