So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
