i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
