Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
