you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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