i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
