A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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