The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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