she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize