He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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