JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
