Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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