that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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