I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
