eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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