fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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