Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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