i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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