when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
