We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
