I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
