Yo dont text me then not text me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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