last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
