mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
