Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
