so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
