Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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