I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My ATM looks so different sober.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize