my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
40s are totally the cure
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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