Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
