We got so high we made milksteak
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
