Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
