you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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