So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
