so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
