people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize