I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
