It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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