Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
