Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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