did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize