Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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