is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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